I realised the other day that I haven’t written a blog post since the start of the pandemic. As a man with his finger on the pulse of the throbbing vein of life (have I started well? I haven’t written for a while) that is quite embarrassing. I also miss writing. So here I am, writing a bit about the pandemic and what it has been like for me.

One thing I’ve come to fully appreciate during All This is that walks are fantastic for your mental health. There’s just something about the feeling of fresh air in your face, especially with blue skies, that makes you feel invigorated. And we all know how great exercise in general is for giving you a boost of endorphins. When you go out for walks you can also almost guarantee that you will see a dog or two, dogs that are very good boys and girls who are cute and make you smile. Especially my dog, she is cute and loves to walk.
I’ve also learnt though that walking fucking stinks. Why do people keep doing this to themselves? Sometimes I walk down the road to a wooded area. Sometimes I go the other way past the pub. Other times I do a longer walk that goes through the wooded area and then in a big loop and then past the pub on the way back. It’s all terribly awful and reminds me that I can’t go to the pub. And what do you gain from walking around? Where have I got to? I’m just back where I started and some time is gone. Yeah maybe my brain feels happier and maybe there’s a small benefit to my fitness but I could have spent that time doing other things like sitting down or perhps laying down, which is obviously so much better. I don’t walk that much any more, unless I’m really not feeling great and then I do. If you feel really shit go for a walk! They’re great! Except when they’re not because they’re pointless and you can’t go in the pub.

When I decided that walking wasn’t really for me I realised I needed some other form of exercise to keep myself in tip top shape (as I definitely am right now and always have been), so I bought myself a set of dumbbells. I found a delightful sounding 4 week plan to start and thought this is it, I’m going to be sexy(er than I already am, if possible). I felt amazing after the first day of my 4 week plan. It was chest and shoulder exercises and they made me sweat and feel good and also very tired. I sat for what felt like days marvelling at just how exhausted one man could be from doing approximately 7 (bad) press ups, before finally showering. The second day of the 4 week plan was back exercises, which also made me sweat and feel good and this time I only sat for one single day before showering. The 4 week plan involved exercising for 4 days each week so the third day of the 4 week plan was a rest day, which suited me down to the ground. I was working anyway, and I didn’t want to overload my fragile body too much early on. I would be back for leg day tomorrow on the fourth day of the 4 week plan.
But exercise fucking stinks. I’m just picking something up and putting it down in a variety of different motions. Why do people keep doing this to themselves? What is that for? What am I gaining? This exercise time is also taking away from sitting and laying time. Admittedly I have had a back strain from lifting things at work but apart from my physical health what is exercise for? Actually, while we’re admitting things I do also have a history of mental ill health (new readers please refer to previous posts and have a good cry) but other than my mental and physical health what is exercising for? Needless to say, I didn’t return on day 4 of the 4 week plan.

What these things have taught me really is that living through a pandemic is really, truly very difficult. You can know the benefits of all the things you feel like you should be doing inside out but despite that they can feel completely pointless and stupid. For a while I was putting pressure on myself to do these things because I really felt like that’s what I should be doing. All the people with their shit together are going out for walks and exercising at home and if I don’t do that what does that mean? What’s the opposite of having your shit together? Is my shit spread far and wide? Just all over the house? WHERE IS ALL MY SHIT!?

Fairly recently though I’ve stopped putting pressure on myself to do this stuff and decided that I will just do whatever I fancy or feel up to on a given day. I don’t walk that much and I exercise sometimes. Walks and exercise feel good from time to time but it feels good to sit down or lay down too. Living through a pandemic is weird and often miserable and accepting that you might not feel very good all the time is liberating. If I don’t feel like going for a walk in the morning I might feel like cooking a delicious meal in the evening and delicious meals are also good for the brain. You can post your delicious meals on Instagram for lovely girls to look at and fall in love with you as well. Can you do that with walks? Lots of people can walk but nobody can roast a potato like I can.

I guess the point of this rambling (if there is a point) is that living in lockdown for so long is hard and it does weird things to our brains and we might not be able to accomplish everything we set out to do each day and that’s ok. For the first time in a while it feels like we might be moving in a positive direction though, so lets all be kind to ourselves and not beat ourselves up if we don’t achieve everything we think we should while we’re stuck inside. See you all for a long walk to the pub soon, beers on me (or on you, this part of the arrangement is up in the air).