I watched 35 minutes of England’s opening group game of Euro 202021 yesterday before I had to leave for work. I’d been upset since I found out the game was taking place on a Sunday because I know I always have to work on a Sunday. I have previously made the mistake of being competent at jobs specifically done on Sundays. Now I know that I should not do my job well at all in my life ever because I might have to work when England are playing football. I’m also not going to be able to watch the rest of England’s group games because they are on Friday and Tuesday and I always work Fridays and Tuesdays. Anyway. Those first 35 minutes of watching England were brilliant, and I will now explain in a humorous yet surprisingly emotional way why that is the case.

I’ve previously associated supporting England with being one of those fans. You know the ones I mean, the bald 40 year old blokes with bad 3 lions tattoos on one arm who think they’re still 18 and enjoy smashing up lovely plazas in various tournament host countries. The guys who travel to Europe to watch their national football team and complain that there’s too many foreigners there and why can’t they find a pint of Carling and pie and chips for goodness sake? But supporting England is just what you do when you’re from England. You’re not a fascist enabler or a racist just because you support the same team as people who are exactly that, they just happen to be from the same place as you. And have you seen some of the other countries in the tournament? They’re hardly beacons of respect and tolerance. England might be a completely embarrassing country to be from and I abhor any sort of English nationalism but this isn’t that. It’s football. I like football and I’m from England, so I support England, I always have and I always will.

This is an England team that is inherently likeable though. I support them because I’m from England but I feel so much prouder of this team because of all of the positive off field work these players have done. The obvious example is everything Marcus Rashford has done to help make sure kids who need to be fed have been fed. We can debate the merits of his day job and the amount of money he is paid to do it, but it cannot be denied that it is one of the most pressurised jobs in the world. The happiness of lots of people rests on how he performs and, as was obvious after the Europa league final, if he doesn’t do his job well he is on the receiving end of a lot of foul abuse. This is a young man who has a lot to deal with in his own life yet he commits a considerable amount of his time to fighting for good causes. This is not something he has to do, and it is not something others before him have often done. It is something to be admired.

Another obvious thing to mention here is the taking of the knee before games. This has dominated a lot of the pre-tournament conversation and it is so tiring to have to hear the same old arguments attempting to justify the racist acts of racist people when they boo the England team taking the knee. Are we really supposed to believe that anyone actually thinks a group of multimillionaire footballers are kneeling in support of a Marxist revolution? If Harry Kane and Kyle Walker want to help the workers seize the means of production then I’m all for it but this is very clearly not what they are doing. It’s about trying to make the game of football and the world a better place for people who currently experience unfair treatment because of the colour of their skin. People who boo this act of solidarity are obviously just racists and we should call them what they are. But it is encouraging that the players are continuing to take this action despite being booed by their own ‘fans’. It must be a horrible feeling for them, especially the black players, having to experience being booed for the colour of their skin by people who claim to support them. It must affect their performance at the start of the game. Gareth Southgate has spoken exceptionally well on this subject too, giving those ‘fans’ who do boo no room for maneuver. If you boo you are racist.

Obviously a lot of the joy from supporting the England football team comes from my love of football too. I know some people roll their eyes at people loving football, very original right? But it is a fantastic escape, the world is almost at the point where it is beyond saving but if you stick me in front of a game of football I’ll forget all about the pandemic and our shambolic and evil government for 90 minutes and that’s an invaluable thing to have. Everyone knows I hate to mention that I suffered from depression and anxiety, especially in my blogs where it has never been mentioned, but when I was really suffering with my mental health football still had the power to keep me engaged for the duration of a match. I struggled to engage with anything for that length of time back then.

But the experience of a football match is enhanced so much when you’re invested in the outcome of it. Even in the build up to the match today I felt nervous. I was excited to see the lineup and to discuss the merits of Raheem Sterling starting ahead of Jack Grealish with my Sterling-skeptic friends. I was nervous about the booing when the players kneeled and I was pleased when any boos were drowned out by a lot of applause; happy that the racists appear to be in the minority but disappointed that the racism was still audible. I was encouraged by England’s start and anguished when Phil Foden hit the post very early on. I was concerned when Croatia appeared to be getting control of the game just before I left for work and I was disappointed that I had to go. When I had a look at my phone some time after 3pm and someone in a group chat had commented that the ‘Yorkshire Pirlo’ was too good I assumed England had scored and when Charlie popped round the corner to ask me if, hypothetically, I would like to know if England had scored I was happy to know that they had scored both hypothetically and in real life. I could see his eyes smiling.

And that’s another thing about football, people enjoy it together. To be in a group of people all so invested in the outcome of an event that none of you have any control over is a very unifying experience and I think supporting the national football team is one of the best examples of this. Just look back to the summer of 2018 and the World Cup. Combined with the nice weather and Love Island (which I didn’t watch but now kind of wish I did) I think that shared experience and joy resulted in a summer that many of us will remember as one of our happiest. I know I will (despite the fact that I was dumped about halfway through the group stage, these things happen though). I think some of that spirit is already returning for this tournament too, I can see it in a few friends and work colleagues and it’s obvious on social media. A lot of my favourite follows on Twitter usually provide dry, sarcastic and hilarious takes on politics and current affairs (I know, very on brand), but they are also getting into the football spirit. Basically I just think this is all very nice.

So this summer, like every other tournament summer, I will be supporting England. But this year I will be doing it with more pride in the players than ever, and I will be doing it more at ease that my fandom is not an endorsement of the fascist-adjacent fans who support the same team as I do. I will enjoy watching the sport I love, that has done so much for me throughout my life with a lot of people I love who have done so much for me throughout my life. I will enjoy experiencing the agony of not knowing what the score is along with my work colleagues while we’re filling shelves with Soleros and Calippos and I will enjoy it when I actually get to watch an England game live. And most of all I will love it when we beat them (all of them) and my team are the champions of Europe. COME ON ENGLAND.

 

England are in a World Cup semi-final. I can’t believe I’m saying typing that. Only once in my lifetime have I been able to say we’ve got to the semi-final of any major tournament – in 1996 when I was 2 – and when I said it then it probably sounded similar to how I said it after arguably too many drinks on Saturday night.

Supporting England at this World Cup has been a joy. Watching the team in a pub full of friends and strangers all hoping for the same result is a magical feeling. To share the euphoria of England’s first penalty shootout win at a World Cup with everybody singing and drinking was incredible. The power to unify massive groups of people for 90 minutes is rare and it is special.

It is safe to assume that the people in the pub with me when England played Colombia would not agree with me on Brexit, on feminism, on local and global politics, on Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn, on whether Coldplay are any good and on how they like their steak cooked, or even if they think eating steak is ok in the first place. But for 90 minutes none of that mattered because England were playing at the World Cup, and we all really, really wanted them to win.

When Eric Dier’s penalty went in and England won, beer and cider went up the walls and on the ceiling and on the floor and on everybody, questionable 7 minute chants about German Bombers being shot down reverberated throughout the room and grown men gathered in what can only be described as a giant, multi man royal rumble of a hug to celebrate a historic moment.

These moments are, of course, better celebrated with others. Being in a pub for the football is like being in the audience for a comedy show. You can completely immerse yourself in the atmosphere, share the amplified emotions with your peers and be free to experience the moment to the fullest.

Whatever happens on Wednesday, this World Cup has been excellent. To see people so unified in what they want is a reminder that there is something out there that unites us all, whether it’s a love of football or a love of Scrubs, and these things are worth celebrating, even if we only do it once every 4 years.

 

Yesterday, the final round of group games at the 2018 World Cup were completed and the last 16 countries left in the competition were confirmed. Those teams, and the round of 16 fixtures are:

France vs Argentina (30/06 3pm)
Uruguay vs Portugal (30/06 7pm)
Spain vs Russia (01/07 3pm)
Croatia vs Denmark (01/07 7pm)
Brazil vs Mexico (02/07 3pm)
Belgium vs Japan (02/07 7pm)
Sweden vs Switzerland (03/07 3pm)
Colombia vs England (03/07 7pm)

The purpose of this post isn’t to look forward to these games though, rather, I’d like to reflect on what has happened so far in a review of the group stage.

After a bewildering opening ceremony headlined by the charming Robbie Williams, who was the first to stick up a middle finger in plain view of a camera – something that so far has proven to be a theme of this World Cup – the curtain raising game was hosts Russia up against Saudi Arabia in a match destined for only one winner; human rights abuse. In the end a surprisingly good Russia beat a surprisingly bad Saudi Arabia 5-0. It is an easy joke to suggest Russia being surprisingly good isn’t necessarily that surprising after previously, ahem, enhanced performances in other global sporting events. That a joke is easy is not to say it isn’t funny. The next game in the group saw Uruguay beat Egypt (without the injured Mo Salah) 1-0. The less said about that game the better.
The next round of fixtures for this group was Russia 3-1 Egypt (now with Salah), and another boring 1-0 victory for Uruguay, this time against Saudi Arabia. Russia again looked impressive, and Uruguay again looked far from impressive. This ensured both Russia and Uruguay went through, and led to what was sure to be an intriguing and hotly contested match between the hosts and Uruguay to see who would top the group. Uruguay won that 3-0. In the other game Saudi Arabia upset Egypt to secure 3rd place in the group and a first World Cup finals win since 1994.

Group B consisted of Spain, Portugal, Iran and Morocco and in the first round of games Spain and Portugal served up arguably the best game of the tournament so far – a 3-3 draw. Morocco vs Iran was also an interesting game in that Morocco absolutely hammered Iran, losing 1-0 to an own goal very late. In the second round of games Morocco again battered their opponents and were by far the better team, again losing 1-0 and left ruing their lack of a forward able to score a goal. Spain’s 1-0 win against Iran meant Morocco went out despite being the better team in both their games, but the gorgeous Herve Renard with his crisp white shirts, unbuttoned enough to reveal a glimpse of chest, and his team of lovely technical players who can’t score certainly gained a large number of admirers. In the final round of games Morocco finally worked out how to score and got a 2-2 draw against Spain. Another game in which they were the better team. Portugal vs Iran was very eventful and saw the VAR, your uncle after 13 pints trying to break up a fight, accidentally tripping up 7 innocent bystanders and starting 3 days of riots, award a frankly ridiculous penalty to Iran which, had they converted quite an easy chance late in the game, would have knocked Portugal out of the competition. Spain and Portugal progressed to the round of 16, and the best team in the group – Morocco – finished last, sparking a debate as to whether goals scored is the best way to decide the winner of a game of football.

Group C saw Denmark and France qualify for the next round despite both being bad at football, with Peru, battling for the title of best team at the tournament with Morocco, being eliminated along with Australia. A largely joyless group of games led to two largely joyless teams going through but the Peru team, along with the two thirds of its population who went along to support their team, captured the hearts of many neutrals, adding further fuel to the fiery debate as to whether goals scored is the best way to decide the winner of a game of football.

In group D, arguably the most exciting group with the most Big Group D Energy, Croatia and Argentina qualified, despite Argentina’s best attempts not to. In the first round of games, Argentina drew with Iceland’s viking clap 1-1, with Lionel Messi missing a penalty and undoing all the achievements of his career so far and confirming he is, as was long suspected, a worse footballer than Andreas Granqvist. Iceland are the underdog that nobody should love but lots of people do. Their Tony Pulis era Stoke City style of football, down to the long throw as the most prolific method of attacking, leads to games of biblical boringness. Their attacking plans seem to be to chuck the ball into the box from the sidelines or just kick it forwards and hope it somehow finds its way into the net in a gust of wind or after bouncing off several limbs, which it did in their game against Argentina. In the other game Nigeria, not wearing their glorious kit, put in a disappointing display, losing 2-0 to Croatia, inspired by a superb Luka Modric. Argentina really tried to ensure an early exit in the next round of games, losing 3-0 to Croatia, with Luka Modric excellent again. Stoke City lost 2-0 to Nigeria, with Nigeria playing much more like a team many people saw as the dark horse of the competition. This set up a final round of games in which Argentina had to beat Nigeria by more than Iceland beat Croatia. Iceland, having no attacking plan, lost 2-1 to Croatia, scoring a penalty – probably the best goal they’ve ever scored. In the other game, Argentina were locked at 1-1 against Nigeria and it looked like the super eagles were going through before Marcos Rojo of all people scored a fantastic volley to send Argentina through.

Group E saw Brazil and Switzerland qualify after Brazil succeeded in their must win game against a previously impressive Serbia team. Aside from that last game there isn’t a lot to talk about from this group, Brazil were ok but didn’t look like the favourites for the tournament we thought they were.

The opening game of group F was a 1-0 win for Mexico against Germany. Germany opted not to defend in this game, a revolutionary tactic from a manager who likes to eat his own bogeys and sniff his own butthole which didn’t really work. Mexico could have won by much more. Sweden beat South Korea 1-0 thanks to a penalty by the aforementioned GOAT, Andreas Granqvist. Germany continued to be poor for their remaining games, Toni Kroos saving their place in the tournament by scoring a wonderful late goal, curling a free kick right into the top corner against Sweden in a 2-1 win. They then abandoned defending against South Korea and lost 2-0, and now they’re back home in Germany. Ha! Sweden won the group and Mexico came second, probably to go out in the round of 16 as they like to do.

The biggest story to come out of Group G was that football is coming home. After 2 games Belgium and England were confirmed to be in the round of 16. England won that game by losing to Belgium, ensuring they have what looks like an easier route to the semi-finals. Not that it matters when they’re going to win the whole thing anyway.

One team that will still be present in the round of 16 is the VARs, the collection of riot starting uncles dressed in full ref kit in a roomy looking portaloo in Moscow. They interfere in games, asking the OFRs (on field refs) to look at the decisions they’ve made and correct them to the wrong one.

All in all the round of 16 was pretty good, leading to debates about the current goals scored method of deciding a winner, and about whether OFRs really need to be told to make the wrong decision, or if they’re bad enough to do it themselves. The football was all right too.